I have decided I am actually happy about valentine's day and have decided to share the full version of the team america sex scene with you, with scat, with water sports and gerneral stupidity of trey paker and matt stone.

Love is in the Air

Okay so maybe after that you aren't feeling too romantic. Well bah humbug to you too.

The thing irking me the most right now is valentine's day. I am sure it wouldn't be so annoying if i was in a couple but every place I know is doing some crappy plastic valentines crap. Even the old man's pub I got to. It is a horrible place that serves real ale and has old retired men lean up against the bar all day drooling at people and suddenly the place is covered in pink and red hearts and the promise of horrible cheap pink sparkling wine at twice the price. Surely the old man's pub is the last refuge for the grimacing, foul- mouthed, resenting single men, where we can go to get away from the trite insanity that is holidays like this? Now it seems I may even have to book a table in the most horrible place to take a date.

To think of it, what better a way to celebrate the hideous death of a man for his beliefs then by buying chocolates, sparkling wine, a over priced dinner ( at which you will no doubt be ushered in and out with surprising haste), all of which you will be disappointed with. Then have pre-marital sex flaunting the very beliefs of the man you are celebrating.

Bah! If you don't know this .. love the person you are with everyday, buy them things when you can and come valentine's day .. if you want to do something. Stay home and shag like bunny rabbits, it will be more fun.

What will I be doing? .. Well I think I am gonna be watching some kind of crappy film about degenerate third world children in the student union and fearing that I will fail my Phd.

having my neck snapped while in between Milla Jovovich's thighs.

Yeah that definitely beats most other ways to die.

Here are my signs of the apocalypse

1. A couple of weeks ago in tunnel club I saw a person wearing a fanny pack/bum bag ... it is not like the awful skinny jeans, winkle pickers and the general russel brand twat look was enough.

2. Standing in the line to go into my club was a bloke with his hair made to look like sugerbabe. It had a bump in the front and went to a ponytail. Stupid stupid hair!

3. Just now the BBC has used the phrase "nicked" instead of stolen. Gone are the days of the queen's english.

The harbinger of doom is here.

Right I have just seen the scariest woman in the world daning with another guy ... she scares me to my very soul .. yet I cann't seem to look away ...

I know my rants about white women that cann't dance are quite annoying by now but seriously now. I love people expressing them selves in dance. I remember once in switzerland I was walking behind this girl and she did a little hip swing. That made me so happy and I think for a long time to come I will love that moment and that woman.. but for the love of god .. people in R&B rooms who dance off beat and just a bit shit, stop ... go home ... u annoy me.

I think I am a bit of a freak, I don't think i have the capability to like people a little bit. They either are amazing and I want them to be one of my best friends .. or they just don't sit right with me . As a result I think I smother my friends with attention or I am just not as good a mate as I think I am.

Anyway I think I scared off another one. Bah!

Edit: Right .. though stupid pixie/peter pan boots .. really ? .. the are almost as stupid as lepord skin tights.

Edit2: I need a pet.

Edit3: Judging from the fashion on display here .. people got some ugly christmas presents .. that or their january sales perchases were unwise.

So Christmas is over and the New year has begun, it has been a relatively odd couple of weeks starting with my birthday. My birthday is normally a thing in our house. I get a few people down to the pub, we all hang out and it is all good fun. This year however it was not all it could be, though I did get loads of people to the pub everybody left by about 8:30. This was a little disappointing but the few that were left were good friends so it was still alright. I also got the most complicated version of jenga ever for my birthday from my cousin which gave much drunken fun. If you are a bollox game fan try N-torpy it will provide hours of drunken fun.

Another thing about the house was now it is a little cleaner it has become a little more of a social hub, with Christmas/new year and a few other evenings where people have just come round randomly, though perhaps it is just the attraction of the Wii. Either way it is great to have people round, I think I inherited my mothers desire to play host, though I feel I am a little better at drinking my self into a stupor while doing it.

Christmas was great. I made goose and loads of other stuff, there was 8 people to feed and enough food for about 20. Andy and I were eating left overs till New Years day. Though I have to admit I feel slightly deprived of my turkey sandwiches. Even Sarah came round which I was more then a little unsure she would. Though I feel the highlight would be feeding Cash Stilton and broccoli soup to find out he is lactose intolerant. Don't worry, he didn't die.

New Year's was a little odd as some how we ended up with a small population of drunk Japanese girls in my kitchen dancing to latin music and wrestling with Ben. But come 12 it was less then exciting cos we went into town, but none the less it was a good night resulting in a little reflection session with our andy.

I think that is a significant catch up for all you people and though it is a little l8, Happy New Year! My resolutions for this year are to get a real job and perhaps become a grown up :)

Today my Christmas/birthday present arrived, the Wii, and I am very happy with it. I could give a review of the thing but in all honesty I don't think my rant will add anything to the enormous amount of stuff out there already describing it in stupid detail. I will say this though is it an amazing bit of kit and it is quite amazing at how your brain adapts to it much more easily then the traditional consoles and that I fear I may have brought Qustom to a and with it's purchase.

I am still not entirely sure why I bought it, I have never owned a console in my life and for some reason at the age of 26 I have decided I want one. I donno if it is some kinda re-affirmation to myself that I have not grown up or some manifestation of my desire to be a kid again but I would quite like to think it is more my obsession with the innovation and the technology behind it that lead me to this. Either way I am not sure anyone else is gonna be as convinced.

But it is fucking fun.